I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
