you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
