So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
