Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
