Hey man sorry I got all grabby
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
