Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
