Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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