I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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