the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
