I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
