Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
