Can i not drive my cunt home
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
