It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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