everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
