onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
