you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
