Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
