I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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