Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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