Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
