the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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