I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
