I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
