haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
