Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
