A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
