I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
