did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
