I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
