I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
