chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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