He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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