Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
