We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
