I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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