Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
