We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
