Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He? As in you personified your dick?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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