i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
