He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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