I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
