Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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