It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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