is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
