i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
