it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
