The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
