I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want to make out with him forever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
