I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
