last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
