I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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