Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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